Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
