think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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