This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Drake has all the answers
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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