you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
