dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
