o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
