I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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