:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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