There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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