If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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