Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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