His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
