Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
