Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
