i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
