shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize