oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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