man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
