I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
