i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.