I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
