You just made me feel so damn special
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.