You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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