Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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