brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
