I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
