I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
