considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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