The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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