I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
