You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
