Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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