they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
