Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
