oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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