K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
