Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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