Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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