yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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