she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
