I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
