is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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