we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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