how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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