I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
