I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
