There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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