from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
