people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
