Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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