Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
