White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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