I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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