if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
