just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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