i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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