Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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