Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
