he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
