At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found puke in my bra..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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