Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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