I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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