i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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