His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
