I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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