I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
