Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
